Midnight Funnies

Easy there. You almost stuck your finger in my butt hole.
At least someone would have gotten in there.

You've just downed a whole bottle of vodka, what are you doing?
Mike.
You're horrible.
I can't lie to the people.

My Name is Mike and I'm an Alcoholic...

"Free booze?"
Why do you roll your eyes?
Every time we go somewhere, "free booze?"
To my sister's house, "free booze?"
How is that a bad thing?

"Beer before class leads to a pass; class before beer... you passed up a beer?"
Genius.

Fashion Emperor

While discussing the pocket design for Mike's jeans:

Left pocket/right pocket: |<| Y |>|
Is that a butt crack in the middle?
Yes it is.
You're amazing.