Regarding You (With Commentary by Katie Gauthier)

Don't choose hastily and you won't have regrets, right?
But if you don't kill quickly, you'll chicken out.
Who would we make jokes about if he was dead though? I mean, realistically, we need him for laughs.
We could dress his corpse up in funny costumes. Or stick his hand down his pants... not that he doesn't do that already.

"That Mexican that just applied... he's illegal."
What if he really was and his mom never told him and then he got deported?
Good riddance!
More guacamole for you.
Amen. We really can't work together though and not just because he likes beans and hopped the border.
Because you'd kill and bury any girl that talked to him, right?
That, and conflict of interests which means since we've seen each other naked, we can't risk doin' it in the workplace.
You perverts.
You should apply to every place within a 15 mile radius of his house. Then tell him he can't apply to any of those places because you did first and he's seen you naked.
"That Mexican that just applied... he's seen me naked."
"And he's illegal. But more importantly, he's seen me naked."

Five for One and One for Five

Have you ever had Five Guys?
Maybe someday...

Viva La Blog

How can you be mad at me? I'm so cute and cuddly!

Taco Bell is gross.
Really? I love it. I love the crunchwrap.
Did you say cuntwrap?
Yeah, it's really good. They steam the cunt and wrap it in a tortilla... You wouldn't like it though, you don't eat cunt.

You know what would make me feel better?
My penis?
How did you know?!
My penis is psychic.
Too bad it doesn't have wheels. Maybe that's what you'll get for Christmas.
A little rocket car for my penis?!
They're on sale at Target. Merry Christmas!
Yaaay!

I know what those little lumps on my head are.
What are those freaky little things?
They're missiles I'm going to detonate next time you piss me off.
At least I'll be rid of them.
And I'll be rid of you.

Knock it off, I was drinking!
Drinking me...
Not if you keep it up.
Oh, I'll keep it up.

A Year Later and Still Funny

I'm glad you're not a super douche. Well, not twenty four/seven anyway.
Twelve/seven is pretty fair, in my book.
And that twelve hours is spent playing videogames.

You bought me a new game!?
Ha, you wish. Ann asked if I had to.
Damn, I got so excited. A new game to go out... I like her thinking.

Kouple's Kombat

Damn, Sonya's got broad shoulders.
And big titties.
Is that why we play this game?
Big cartoon titties.

Dogs and Bioshock

They had five chili dogs for $5!?
Why didn't you say anything!?
What were you going to do with five chili dogs?
I'll freeze them if I have to.
Or, keep them in a shoe box under your bed?
Yes.
And peak in on them every so often.
"You've been bad chili dogs. You're on time out!"
"I'm so eating you later."
*3 seconds of silence*
This is going on the blog.

Ooh, will you play Bioshock with me tonight?
Will you settle down for ten minutes.
Can it be fifteen? I have to stop by the post office.

Vroooom!
Didn't I ask you to settle down?
I don't follow your rules or the rules of the road.
Fine. I guess you're playing Bioshock alone then.
Fine! It's a single player game anyway!

Boobs or pizza?
Well, I'm not going to starve myself!

Nice legs, Daisy Dukes

Did you get hit on?
Some guy thought I was married and another with a nervous twitch asked if he could teach me the two step.
That's it? Even with an ass like yours?
Well, there was this girl there in Daisy Dukes and a cut off shirt. I had a little competition.
What's her number? Not for me... for a friend.

Uncategorized... But Worth Mentioning

You just got a lesson in precision driving.
How about a precision ass-whooping?

202

If I tell everyone that I forgot my wheelchair, will you push me around in this rollie chair all day?
That's stupid.
Why?
No one "forgets" their wheelchair.

Ditch Day!

See this naked finger?
Means I do what I want.

That's why I like taking you places.
So I don't have to make the scene.

You look really hot in heels.
Is that why you got all quiet?
Yeah, cause that Asian couple was in there.
I didn't want to stare at your ass the whole time.

I did not "cream my jeans".
Ooh, that's right. You were wearing shorts.

It's Sonic Good

Ooh, they have Limeade!
Huh?
Limeade.
You're so Mexican.
It's a specialty drink.

I was in shock.
Like, did she just do that?
Then, boom.
In my mouth.
(On the subject of tater tots)

What if you could get pregnant from giving blow jobs?
The world would be over populated.
We'd have like 10 kids.

Well, thanks for popping my Sonic cherry.
*pulls Maraschino from mouth*
Ha, cherry.
You're a child.

What if I had a mustache this thick?
Let me guess, I'd be single.
No, we'd just have a lot of Ralph's bags on hand.
With eye holes?
A mouth hole.